I'm back

Okay, I know I've been MIA for a while. There is no good excuse for it either, except I really didn't know what to write. Or better yet, I couldn't get my thoughts from my head and on the computer in a way that made sense for a blog post. So, I have been sitting around writing and re-writing in my head what I want to say and how to express it. More or less, this is it, and I hope that it comes out on here the way it sounds in my head.

It just so happened that Monday's meeting was on negative thoughts, and negative influences, and that is what I have been struggling to talk about. See a few weeks ago one of my friends post a picture on line of a billboard ad being shown (I believe) in the state of Georgia attacking obesity in children. There was (and still is I am guessing) a huge uproar about the ads, and what it actually does to children. If you want to see the ads, google it. But my friend was outraged by the ads, and had opinions of it, along with many other friends.

I of course had my opinion as well. Let me state -for those that didn't know me then- that I have always been on the bigger side of life. In sixth grade I think I was between 155 - 175 pounds (I am actually struggling to remember the weight but I remember people being shocked because I was "thicker" than them, but they didn't think I was that "fat"). I was in a size 16 by my senior year of high school. As I got older the easier it was for me to put on the weight.

The problem I saw was that so many people were blaming the parents, and just the parents. Now, I am not saying parents are not part of the problem. Children with one or more parents (and I think step-parents count) that are obese have a higher chance to be obese. Why? Because where are they learning their habits of eating the wrong food, the large food portions, or lack of work out from. However, parents are not the only problem. I look at my parents, and while I was a big kid, I played out side, I rode my bike all the time, I was on a softball team in the summer, while my parents were trying to force vegetables down my throat. And I wasn't your typical kid, I don't eat veggies. I was the kid that if you forced a veggie down my throat, I'll throw that veggie up all over your dining room table. (And yes, I was forced to clean it up, but I hated them dang veggies).

But, the kids teasing me that I was a big kid (when I wasn't too big, and by today's standards I wasn't fat at all. I am going to search for a picture to prove it as well) and the snide comments about how clothes did or didn't fit me wasn't a help either. If you put a picture of a fat kid up and tell them how fat they are that is not going to help them. All that does is start the cycle of emotional eating. It's a bad loop that we have to stop now with the youth.

But here's the thing. No matter how big or small you are there is always going to be negatives in your life. I know that even though I lost 30 pounds there will be people that look at me because I am the fat girl. I will have people make fun of me because of my size and weight (just make sure it's behind my back, I am a bit feisty if need be). I will have people not realizing what I am doing to lose weight that will ask me, "Should you really be eating that?"

The difference now is that I have decided to try and let those negatives roll off of me. The people making fun of me or looking at me weirdly do not know me, or the shoes I walk in. They do not know how hard I have worked to lose this weight, or the trials I have gone through to finally make me successful in this attempt. Those that question my food choices may not understand the WW program, and how I can indulge in my favorite foods once in awhile (I had an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen over the weekend and still lost 3.4 pounds). The difference is me, and my mindset.

It use to be that if someone questioned my food choice that my response (mentally) was, "No I probably shouldn't be having this small bite or portion, but now I am going to gorge on it since you don't think I have the will power to stop." Well that was the mild version.

You are your own worst enemy, not only in weight loss, but in everything you do. Think of all the things you talk yourself out of all the time. The times you talk yourself out of a workout, or that you can not accomplish something. Now imagine if you just went with, "I can talk a 15 minute walk." Would that walk turn into a 30 minute walk? Maybe. Would it hurt to do the 15 minutes? Of course not. If we can talk ourselves out of exercise or into too much indulging, we can talk ourselves into the exercise and out of indulging. That is my difference.

I have not always been a positive person, and I had resigned myself into being the fat girl the rest of my life. But not no more. I will be an active person, and I will lose this weight. I will have my kid, and then take off that weight. And then, I am going to party it up in Vegas with a cute short skirt, and a body hugging top. Why? Because I think I can I will do it. And that is the difference. I never thought I would be the girl at a club in Vegas because they don't make enough cute club apparel for fat girls that I like. Now, I know they do for the skinny girls and I will be one. What are you going to do in 3 years? Are you going to be there with me or not?

Love, Peace, and Still Fat
S